I answered two phonecalls yesterday (well...five, if you count the times that Ryan called). I took the day off to work on my kitchen (I am determined to finish the kitchen before we start on the baby's room!) so the house phone rang more times that afternoon than in the 6 months we've had it.
The first call was at noon. It was our adoption attorney in Topeka. He wanted us to know that Kelly has been sleeping on a couch at a friend's house and she's ready to come to Topeka ASAP. "Okay...well...how's that going?"
He said, "Well...she wants to take a train."
"A train?"
"Yes. Mary and I have both been talking to her about it and she's just terrified of flying."
"Poor girl."
"Well...we want her to do whatever is most comfortable for her, but that train ride is brutal. It's 53 hours."
"good grief!"
"I know...so, we're still working on it."
The next call was at 3:00. Kelly had changed her mind. She and her daughter were going to fly afterall. As my friend Sherri pointed out, it's too bad you can't give a pregnant lady drugs to calm her nerves!
Of course we appreciate that she's coming to Topeka and of course we're incredibly grateful that she's chosen us to adopt her baby, but now she's facing her biggest fear and getting on an airplane for us!!
Still no word today on when she's arriving, but I can't wait. It's the same thing (I'm guessing) parents feel when they know their children are flying/traveling. My child isn't even born yet and I'm already that freaked out mom waiting for the phonecall that "I've landed and everything is okay."
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
welcome to kansas!
WE HAVE THE BEST BIRTHMOM EVER!!!!
Our agent (Mary) called today to say that Kelly and Sophie are moving to Topeka! Like...Monday! Kelly wants to do whatever is best for us. She doesn't want us to have to travel to Georgia or pay a Georgia attorney, so she is packing her things and moving to Kansas!! :) We are so thrilled (and even more grateful than we were before. Is that even possible??)
The adoption lawyer in Topeka (Allan Hazlett) called me shortly after I got off the phone with Mary and he went through every single one of my questions so I knew what to expect. He was wonderfully patient and kind. He even called out to Peggy in the next room if he wasn't positive about the answer. Peggy is his wife. They run this business together. They've been doing adoption law for 15 years. It's just the two of them. No big staff. And they take care of everything. They will book Kelly's flight, pick her up from the airport and get her all settled in. They will take her to the grocery store once a week and to all of her doctor's appointments. They will set her up with a nurse/midwife through the doctor's office and make sure she's getting any counseling/support she needs. Alan and Peggy spend A LOT of time with the birthmoms and they make sure these women don't feel lonesome or displaced. And they intentionally surround the birthmoms with people who support and understand their adoption plan (in fact, the manager of the grocery store is one of their former birthmoms).
I asked what we can do - how can we make Kelly feel welcome and comfortable. Allan encouraged us to develop a relationship with her. He said, "the very best situations happen when you two become friends. You can start driving her to doctor's appointments and call to see how she's doing. Of course you don't want to overwhelm her, but follow your instincts. Put yourself in her shoes." She's going to be there for 3 months. Maybe we could take her to a Royals game?? (she mentioned she likes sports!) And maybe we'll set her up with NetFlix or bring her dinner once a month?? Something that tells her, "we appreciate what you are doing and we know it's not easy."
I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I have no idea how the rest of this journey is going to go, but right now - I FEEL INCREDIBLY LUCKY! Not only is Kelly giving us an amazing gift, but she is now sacrificing the only life she's ever known. She lost both of her parents when she was young. The only people around her right now are smug and unsupportive. I almost want to be there when she steps off the airplane so I can give her a ginormous hug. WELCOME TO KANSAS!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!
Our agent (Mary) called today to say that Kelly and Sophie are moving to Topeka! Like...Monday! Kelly wants to do whatever is best for us. She doesn't want us to have to travel to Georgia or pay a Georgia attorney, so she is packing her things and moving to Kansas!! :) We are so thrilled (and even more grateful than we were before. Is that even possible??)
The adoption lawyer in Topeka (Allan Hazlett) called me shortly after I got off the phone with Mary and he went through every single one of my questions so I knew what to expect. He was wonderfully patient and kind. He even called out to Peggy in the next room if he wasn't positive about the answer. Peggy is his wife. They run this business together. They've been doing adoption law for 15 years. It's just the two of them. No big staff. And they take care of everything. They will book Kelly's flight, pick her up from the airport and get her all settled in. They will take her to the grocery store once a week and to all of her doctor's appointments. They will set her up with a nurse/midwife through the doctor's office and make sure she's getting any counseling/support she needs. Alan and Peggy spend A LOT of time with the birthmoms and they make sure these women don't feel lonesome or displaced. And they intentionally surround the birthmoms with people who support and understand their adoption plan (in fact, the manager of the grocery store is one of their former birthmoms).
I asked what we can do - how can we make Kelly feel welcome and comfortable. Allan encouraged us to develop a relationship with her. He said, "the very best situations happen when you two become friends. You can start driving her to doctor's appointments and call to see how she's doing. Of course you don't want to overwhelm her, but follow your instincts. Put yourself in her shoes." She's going to be there for 3 months. Maybe we could take her to a Royals game?? (she mentioned she likes sports!) And maybe we'll set her up with NetFlix or bring her dinner once a month?? Something that tells her, "we appreciate what you are doing and we know it's not easy."
I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I have no idea how the rest of this journey is going to go, but right now - I FEEL INCREDIBLY LUCKY! Not only is Kelly giving us an amazing gift, but she is now sacrificing the only life she's ever known. She lost both of her parents when she was young. The only people around her right now are smug and unsupportive. I almost want to be there when she steps off the airplane so I can give her a ginormous hug. WELCOME TO KANSAS!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
it was a 5.4!
We had our match phone call last night between our birthmother in Georgia and our adoption agent in California. We scheduled this call last week so we spent the entire weekend anticipating the chance to hear our birthmother's voice and find out more about her.
Moments before the phone rang, Ryan looked at me and said, "Are you getting nervous, because I feel really nervous." I looked down at my list of birthmom questions and the pen I found to write down all of her answers. I realized 2 things. Not only was I not nervous, but I was being completely analytical for the first time ever. In my life. EVER. Ryan was being emotional and I was getting ready to go on some sort of speed-date.
The call was supposed to happen at 5:30, but the phone didn't ring until close to 6:45. And for the purpose of this story, I am now going to refer to our birthmom as Kelly and her daughter as Sophie. I need to protect their identity a little bit and "she" and "birthmom" are just too vague and confusing for what I'm about to tell you - not to mention, impersonal. Also, our agent's name is Mary (for real) so now you know that too...in case I mention somebody named Mary and you're all, "who is this Mary person? and why do your stories take so long?" but just hang on...because I've got even more information for you:
Kelly and Sophie are in need of a new living situation - like, immediately. We know this because we are responsible for all of Kelly's living expenses until she has the baby and Mary needed July's payment ASAP. We were getting constant updates about where Kelly would be staying tonight and tomorrow, but there was still no permanent answer as to where she would live for the duration of her pregnancy. Then, at 3:00, a very real possibility presented itself. We are responsible for retaining lawyers in both Kansas City and Georgia (they are responsible for the child as he/she moves from state-to-state) and it turns out, the Kansas City lawyer has connections in Topeka where he and his wife have been helping birthmoms find safe/affordable housing for the last 15 years. It's part of their practice. The husband deals with the adoption lawyer-ey stuff and the wife helps the birthmoms get to the grocery store and doctor's appointments. So, if we wanted, we could pay for Kelly and Sophie to move to Topeka for part (or all) of her pregnancy. Interesting.
For us, moving Kelly to Topeka meant:
1. we wouldn't have to pay a Georgia lawyer (the baby would be born in Kansas)
2. we wouldn't have to book any last minute flights to Georgia
3. we wouldn't have to spend 7-10 days in Georgia, waiting for ICPC to clear
4. our family and friends could potentially be there for the birth of the baby
Of course, that also meant uprooting Kelly's life, uprooting Sophie's life, and taking Sophie away from her daddy for 3-4 months. It was good on paper, but if Kelly wasn't up for it, we weren't either.
The phone rang at 6:45 and Mary warned us that Kelly was very nervous and she may not say much (plus, she'd just been told she might be moving to Topeka so I'm sure that was still sinking in). Mary told us to be ourselves and follow her lead - she would guide most of the conversation.
Kelly answered the phone and from the moment she said "hello" we (honestly, truly) felt connected to her. Her daughter was running around screaming in the background - just like our niece Delaney does on every single phonecall I've ever had with my sister. She admitted right away that she was nervous - like waiting for a boy to call her for the first time, or hearing back about a job interview. She also said she was pacing around her house and sweating, which made me love her even more.
Mary asked us to talk about how we met and we're pretty sure we endeared ourselves immediately upon mention of The Ranch and our need to go country-dancing every Saturday night (because The Ranch is nothing if not endearing)! She said, "I'm from the south, y'all." We described our first date and how we talked for over an hour, never once running out of things to say. She told us she was looking at our pictures as we talked and already felt really good about her decision.
At one point, she talked openly about why she is placing this child for adoption and how guilty she feels that Sophie doesn't have more. She knew 6 weeks in to her pregnancy that she was placing this child for adoption because "this baby deserves more than I can provide." I told her she didn't owe us any explanation. "We think you are incredibly brave. And we promise, we have so much love to give this baby. You are giving us an incredible gift and we cannot thank you enough for that." She said, "well...that's really nice to hear."
I asked about her support system and she said there aren't many people in her life who even know she's pregnant - including her daughter. She broke my heart when she said nobody around her really supports her adoption plan. Her parents both died when she was young, so she has a grandma she could live with, but "She has an opinion and it's different from my opinion so I just don't need to be around people who don't support me right now. I know I'm doing the right thing."
Just then, Mary (in California) interrupted and said, "I'm sorry you guys, but I have to put you on hold. We're having an earthquake right now!" Ummm...what? We could hear the phone click and then Kelly on the other end said, "Oh my gosh! That's crazy!" Ryan said, "No kidding. I would be freaking out!" Kelly heard him and said, "Are you guys still there?" We said, "Yes!" and then we all agreed that Mary was being *really* calm - we would not have been so calm. Mary came back on and apologized for being so scared, but she hates earthquakes. We applauded her for handling it so well, then we talked about earthquakes and all of the things we don't like. Spiders, snakes, tornadoes and earthquakes topped the list. We found out today, that earthquake in California was a 5.4!
We talked a little while longer about Sophie and how tall she is for her age (which is perfect...because my family makes some TALL babies!) If this baby is anything like Sophie, he/she will fit right in. Also, Kelly mentioned that Sophie was born c-section, which made me think it's possible this birth could be c-section too (which means we could schedule it...which, for a planner is AWESOME!) I asked if she knew the sex of the baby, or when she might find out. She said she'd already had her free sonogram and she considered faking some cramps so they'd have to do another one, but then we got to talking about how she would be moving soon and didn't really know where she would be or who her doctor would be, so it might be a little while until she found out. I don't know how Medicare works, but if I have to write the doctor a personal check to get a sonogram, I will.
(p.s. have I mentioned that we want to find out the sex of the baby? because we do! Our little trip to IKEA over the holiday was enough to get us salivating over baby clothes and obsessing over "do we buy pink or blue?" It's the one variable that probably won't change tomorrow, so we want to be able to make some plans. Some.)
We could tell that Mary was getting nervous about rush-hour traffic and earthquake damage and trying to leave her office, so we decided to call it a night. We mentioned how great we thought the phonecall went and how nervous we all were (except me...I'm a robot, apparently) and we'd be in touch regarding the Topeka situation. (Mary was going to sort that out with the lawyer tomorrow and call us). So we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
I looked at Ryan and we smiled. Then I ran to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea. I'd been nervous after all!
Yeah!!
Moments before the phone rang, Ryan looked at me and said, "Are you getting nervous, because I feel really nervous." I looked down at my list of birthmom questions and the pen I found to write down all of her answers. I realized 2 things. Not only was I not nervous, but I was being completely analytical for the first time ever. In my life. EVER. Ryan was being emotional and I was getting ready to go on some sort of speed-date.
The call was supposed to happen at 5:30, but the phone didn't ring until close to 6:45. And for the purpose of this story, I am now going to refer to our birthmom as Kelly and her daughter as Sophie. I need to protect their identity a little bit and "she" and "birthmom" are just too vague and confusing for what I'm about to tell you - not to mention, impersonal. Also, our agent's name is Mary (for real) so now you know that too...in case I mention somebody named Mary and you're all, "who is this Mary person? and why do your stories take so long?" but just hang on...because I've got even more information for you:
Kelly and Sophie are in need of a new living situation - like, immediately. We know this because we are responsible for all of Kelly's living expenses until she has the baby and Mary needed July's payment ASAP. We were getting constant updates about where Kelly would be staying tonight and tomorrow, but there was still no permanent answer as to where she would live for the duration of her pregnancy. Then, at 3:00, a very real possibility presented itself. We are responsible for retaining lawyers in both Kansas City and Georgia (they are responsible for the child as he/she moves from state-to-state) and it turns out, the Kansas City lawyer has connections in Topeka where he and his wife have been helping birthmoms find safe/affordable housing for the last 15 years. It's part of their practice. The husband deals with the adoption lawyer-ey stuff and the wife helps the birthmoms get to the grocery store and doctor's appointments. So, if we wanted, we could pay for Kelly and Sophie to move to Topeka for part (or all) of her pregnancy. Interesting.
For us, moving Kelly to Topeka meant:
1. we wouldn't have to pay a Georgia lawyer (the baby would be born in Kansas)
2. we wouldn't have to book any last minute flights to Georgia
3. we wouldn't have to spend 7-10 days in Georgia, waiting for ICPC to clear
4. our family and friends could potentially be there for the birth of the baby
Of course, that also meant uprooting Kelly's life, uprooting Sophie's life, and taking Sophie away from her daddy for 3-4 months. It was good on paper, but if Kelly wasn't up for it, we weren't either.
The phone rang at 6:45 and Mary warned us that Kelly was very nervous and she may not say much (plus, she'd just been told she might be moving to Topeka so I'm sure that was still sinking in). Mary told us to be ourselves and follow her lead - she would guide most of the conversation.
Kelly answered the phone and from the moment she said "hello" we (honestly, truly) felt connected to her. Her daughter was running around screaming in the background - just like our niece Delaney does on every single phonecall I've ever had with my sister. She admitted right away that she was nervous - like waiting for a boy to call her for the first time, or hearing back about a job interview. She also said she was pacing around her house and sweating, which made me love her even more.
Mary asked us to talk about how we met and we're pretty sure we endeared ourselves immediately upon mention of The Ranch and our need to go country-dancing every Saturday night (because The Ranch is nothing if not endearing)! She said, "I'm from the south, y'all." We described our first date and how we talked for over an hour, never once running out of things to say. She told us she was looking at our pictures as we talked and already felt really good about her decision.
At one point, she talked openly about why she is placing this child for adoption and how guilty she feels that Sophie doesn't have more. She knew 6 weeks in to her pregnancy that she was placing this child for adoption because "this baby deserves more than I can provide." I told her she didn't owe us any explanation. "We think you are incredibly brave. And we promise, we have so much love to give this baby. You are giving us an incredible gift and we cannot thank you enough for that." She said, "well...that's really nice to hear."
I asked about her support system and she said there aren't many people in her life who even know she's pregnant - including her daughter. She broke my heart when she said nobody around her really supports her adoption plan. Her parents both died when she was young, so she has a grandma she could live with, but "She has an opinion and it's different from my opinion so I just don't need to be around people who don't support me right now. I know I'm doing the right thing."
Just then, Mary (in California) interrupted and said, "I'm sorry you guys, but I have to put you on hold. We're having an earthquake right now!" Ummm...what? We could hear the phone click and then Kelly on the other end said, "Oh my gosh! That's crazy!" Ryan said, "No kidding. I would be freaking out!" Kelly heard him and said, "Are you guys still there?" We said, "Yes!" and then we all agreed that Mary was being *really* calm - we would not have been so calm. Mary came back on and apologized for being so scared, but she hates earthquakes. We applauded her for handling it so well, then we talked about earthquakes and all of the things we don't like. Spiders, snakes, tornadoes and earthquakes topped the list. We found out today, that earthquake in California was a 5.4!
We talked a little while longer about Sophie and how tall she is for her age (which is perfect...because my family makes some TALL babies!) If this baby is anything like Sophie, he/she will fit right in. Also, Kelly mentioned that Sophie was born c-section, which made me think it's possible this birth could be c-section too (which means we could schedule it...which, for a planner is AWESOME!) I asked if she knew the sex of the baby, or when she might find out. She said she'd already had her free sonogram and she considered faking some cramps so they'd have to do another one, but then we got to talking about how she would be moving soon and didn't really know where she would be or who her doctor would be, so it might be a little while until she found out. I don't know how Medicare works, but if I have to write the doctor a personal check to get a sonogram, I will.
(p.s. have I mentioned that we want to find out the sex of the baby? because we do! Our little trip to IKEA over the holiday was enough to get us salivating over baby clothes and obsessing over "do we buy pink or blue?" It's the one variable that probably won't change tomorrow, so we want to be able to make some plans. Some.)
We could tell that Mary was getting nervous about rush-hour traffic and earthquake damage and trying to leave her office, so we decided to call it a night. We mentioned how great we thought the phonecall went and how nervous we all were (except me...I'm a robot, apparently) and we'd be in touch regarding the Topeka situation. (Mary was going to sort that out with the lawyer tomorrow and call us). So we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
I looked at Ryan and we smiled. Then I ran to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea. I'd been nervous after all!
Yeah!!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
the day that changed everything
July 1st was a Thursday. There was nothing particularly special about this day until 4:45 when my cell phone rang. I was on my way home from work, sitting in rush hour traffic, planning to spend the rest of my evening decorating a birthday cake I was hired to design for a 1-year old.
"Hi Ashley, this is Mary from Adoption Network Law Center."
"Hello. How are you?"
"Good! Are you and Ryan together right now?"
"No. I'm in my car. Ryan is on his way to the groomer to pick up our dogs."
"Well, I'm calling to let you know that you have been selected by a birthmother."
(ginormous grin) "Are you SERIOUS!?"
"I don't want to tell you too much without Ryan, but I can tell you that she is due on October 15th. She met all of your criteria except for one and she is very anxious to hear back with your answer."
(trembling and trying not to crash) "Okay...well...oh my gosh. I can't believe this."
"She is a non-smoker, non-drinker, non-drug-user. The birthfather is in the picture and he is totally on board."
"Can I ask you where she lives?"
"She is currently in Georgia, but I can't tell you where, exactly. She has a living situation that she needs to get out of, so her living expenses are slightly higher than what you said on your preference form."
"Okay. Well...what do we need to do next? Are you in your office for a while? I need to call Ryan and tell him. He's going to FREAK OUT!"
"How soon do you think you can get home?"
(looking at the cars stopped on the highway in front of me) "About half an hour?"
"That's perfect. I'll just call you back from my cell phone and we can conference call. My office phone is set to an automatic out-of-office message so it's easier if I call you."
"Oh my gosh. Okay...thank you! This is so exciting. Oh my gosh. We will talk to you soon!"
"I'm looking forward to it. And I know she is anxious to hear back. She just picked you guys a few hours ago and she has been texting me ever since, asking, 'Have you heard back from Ashley and Ryan yet? What did they say?' She is very excited."
"Oh, that's awesome. Okay, we'll talk to you soon. Bye! Thank you!"
"You are welcome!"
"Bye!"
(click)
(screaming out loud) "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!!!!????? THIS IS SERIOUSLY HAPPENING!!!??? WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!"
I immediately called Ryan and realized I was still shouting:
"WE HAVE JUST BEEN SELECTED BY A BIRTHMOTHER!!!"
"WHAT?"
"I just talked to a woman named Mary from Adoption Network Law Center and we have been selected by a birthmother!!!!! Like...she just picked us 2 hours ago!!!!"
(trying not to crash) "Are you SERIOUS!"
"I KNOW!!! She lives in Georgia and she is due on October 15th."
"I guess we're not going to Mexico."
"I know! WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!"
"WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!"
The conversation continued for a while. We were doing everything we could not to crash our cars and truly believe what was going on. We couldn't say it out loud enough. We couldn't stop shouting or smiling. It was entirely surreal.
At one point, we were pretty much done sharing all of the information we could think to share and Ryan said, "We have to keep talking because if we hang up, I'm just going to start calling people and we don't have enough information yet."
So Ryan and I made small talk for the next 25 minutes. We repeated everything back to each other so we could stall. We laughed about the fact that we *just* booked our trip to Mexico (an all-inclusive resort with our friends from October 16th-23rd) but if the last 5 years taught us anything, it was to keep making plans and simply HOPE that they might include a baby. We didn't want to look back and resent the things we "could have done" while we were waiting. So we booked the trip, but also bought trip insurance. (always holding out hope)
And while a baby is a life-long dream, and of COURSE it's more important than Mexico, I still asked the question, "which is closer? Georgia to Kansas or Georgia to Mexico? Is there any way to wait for our baby while sitting on a beach in Mexico?" :)
I pulled in to our neighborhood and up the hill to our house where there was a mini-van sitting in our driveway. I flipped on my turn-signal and looked at the clock. We had 3 minutes to get in to the house and answer the call from Mary. I looked at the mini-van again trying to figure out who it could be. Who pulls in to somebody else's driveway and blocks both sides? Sometimes people pull in to get their mail, (the bane of hosting the neighborhood mailbox 3 inches from our house) but there was a person sitting in the driver's seat. Then I thought, "Okay...maybe she got her mail and she is looking through it." so I pushed the buttons to open my garage to get her attention. The mini-van didn't move. "OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO GET IN THERE AND ANSWER MY PHONE!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I debated driving over our lawn to get in to the garage when I saw our neighbor run across her lawn to the waiting mini-van. She held her finger up like, "Hold on one second" and I sort of laughed. "Seriously? I know you don't know this, but the most important news of my life is about to happen. I need you to get out of my driveway!!" Soon, the mini-van backed up and waved at me as she passed by. "Yes. You're welcome. Good-bye." as I gunned it and nearly crashed my car in to the back of the garage. I'm pretty sure my tires screeched as I came to a stop.
I jumped out of the car (zero time left) and ran in to the house. There were two messages. "DANG IT!" I pushed play. One was the groomer. The dogs were ready. One was Mary. It was 4:44. It was before she called my cell phone. It was an old message. Thank God.
Just then, Ryan walked in to the house. We ran to each other and hugged like a scene from a movie. "WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!" Ryan hugged me even tighter and lifted me off the ground. "OWW! You're squeezing and hurting my boobs!" "Sorry. I'm just SO happy!" Just then, the phone rang. I felt a happy little flip in my heart as I frantically searched for paper and a pen. I looked at Ryan as he picked up the phone and our lives changed forever.
She was born in December, 1972. She is 5'9" tall; 145 lbs. She has blue/green eyes with blond-ish/brown-ish/red-ish hair (dyed so much that she forgot her natural color). She has pale skin, fine hair, 100% caucasian, and she completed the 12th grade. Her favorite subjects in school were science and math (Ryan's too!) and she enjoyed sports in school. She has been a live-in nanny for 10 years but dreams of attending culinary school some day. She describes herself as an easy-going person who likes to laugh. She likes cooking, movies and sports. She does not drink, smoke or do any drugs. She found our profile on Adoption Spacebook and she is a Christian. She has a 3-year old daughter (with the same birthfather) who is 3' tall with green eyes and brown hair. She is perfectly healthy.
The birthfather was born in 1966. He is 6'1" tall; 180 lbs. He has green eyes, black hair, olive skin and he is 100% caucasian. He describes himself as an outgoing people-person who likes music, art and playing guitar (me too!), and he is completely on-board with the adoption.
I still don't know what it will take to feel real. We don't know the sex of the baby yet, but we will find out in a few weeks. We've had several moments when we've looked at each other like, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" and the answer is always "no". We've waited 5 years for a moment like this. We've come close before (6 weeks of a pregnancy that terminated on its own) but that entire process taught us to be careful - not to get our hopes up too high. We knew it would feel amazing to get that phone call, but we've both replayed it over and over in our minds and it still has not sunk in.
We have 3 months to prepare our hearts and our home for this new little miracle, and it will be here before we know it. I'm not sure anyone is ever totally prepared for such life-changing news, but man...we sure are READY!
WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!
"Hi Ashley, this is Mary from Adoption Network Law Center."
"Hello. How are you?"
"Good! Are you and Ryan together right now?"
"No. I'm in my car. Ryan is on his way to the groomer to pick up our dogs."
"Well, I'm calling to let you know that you have been selected by a birthmother."
(ginormous grin) "Are you SERIOUS!?"
"I don't want to tell you too much without Ryan, but I can tell you that she is due on October 15th. She met all of your criteria except for one and she is very anxious to hear back with your answer."
(trembling and trying not to crash) "Okay...well...oh my gosh. I can't believe this."
"She is a non-smoker, non-drinker, non-drug-user. The birthfather is in the picture and he is totally on board."
"Can I ask you where she lives?"
"She is currently in Georgia, but I can't tell you where, exactly. She has a living situation that she needs to get out of, so her living expenses are slightly higher than what you said on your preference form."
"Okay. Well...what do we need to do next? Are you in your office for a while? I need to call Ryan and tell him. He's going to FREAK OUT!"
"How soon do you think you can get home?"
(looking at the cars stopped on the highway in front of me) "About half an hour?"
"That's perfect. I'll just call you back from my cell phone and we can conference call. My office phone is set to an automatic out-of-office message so it's easier if I call you."
"Oh my gosh. Okay...thank you! This is so exciting. Oh my gosh. We will talk to you soon!"
"I'm looking forward to it. And I know she is anxious to hear back. She just picked you guys a few hours ago and she has been texting me ever since, asking, 'Have you heard back from Ashley and Ryan yet? What did they say?' She is very excited."
"Oh, that's awesome. Okay, we'll talk to you soon. Bye! Thank you!"
"You are welcome!"
"Bye!"
(click)
(screaming out loud) "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!!!!????? THIS IS SERIOUSLY HAPPENING!!!??? WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!"
I immediately called Ryan and realized I was still shouting:
"WE HAVE JUST BEEN SELECTED BY A BIRTHMOTHER!!!"
"WHAT?"
"I just talked to a woman named Mary from Adoption Network Law Center and we have been selected by a birthmother!!!!! Like...she just picked us 2 hours ago!!!!"
(trying not to crash) "Are you SERIOUS!"
"I KNOW!!! She lives in Georgia and she is due on October 15th."
"I guess we're not going to Mexico."
"I know! WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!"
"WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!"
The conversation continued for a while. We were doing everything we could not to crash our cars and truly believe what was going on. We couldn't say it out loud enough. We couldn't stop shouting or smiling. It was entirely surreal.
At one point, we were pretty much done sharing all of the information we could think to share and Ryan said, "We have to keep talking because if we hang up, I'm just going to start calling people and we don't have enough information yet."
So Ryan and I made small talk for the next 25 minutes. We repeated everything back to each other so we could stall. We laughed about the fact that we *just* booked our trip to Mexico (an all-inclusive resort with our friends from October 16th-23rd) but if the last 5 years taught us anything, it was to keep making plans and simply HOPE that they might include a baby. We didn't want to look back and resent the things we "could have done" while we were waiting. So we booked the trip, but also bought trip insurance. (always holding out hope)
And while a baby is a life-long dream, and of COURSE it's more important than Mexico, I still asked the question, "which is closer? Georgia to Kansas or Georgia to Mexico? Is there any way to wait for our baby while sitting on a beach in Mexico?" :)
I pulled in to our neighborhood and up the hill to our house where there was a mini-van sitting in our driveway. I flipped on my turn-signal and looked at the clock. We had 3 minutes to get in to the house and answer the call from Mary. I looked at the mini-van again trying to figure out who it could be. Who pulls in to somebody else's driveway and blocks both sides? Sometimes people pull in to get their mail, (the bane of hosting the neighborhood mailbox 3 inches from our house) but there was a person sitting in the driver's seat. Then I thought, "Okay...maybe she got her mail and she is looking through it." so I pushed the buttons to open my garage to get her attention. The mini-van didn't move. "OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO GET IN THERE AND ANSWER MY PHONE!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I debated driving over our lawn to get in to the garage when I saw our neighbor run across her lawn to the waiting mini-van. She held her finger up like, "Hold on one second" and I sort of laughed. "Seriously? I know you don't know this, but the most important news of my life is about to happen. I need you to get out of my driveway!!" Soon, the mini-van backed up and waved at me as she passed by. "Yes. You're welcome. Good-bye." as I gunned it and nearly crashed my car in to the back of the garage. I'm pretty sure my tires screeched as I came to a stop.
I jumped out of the car (zero time left) and ran in to the house. There were two messages. "DANG IT!" I pushed play. One was the groomer. The dogs were ready. One was Mary. It was 4:44. It was before she called my cell phone. It was an old message. Thank God.
Just then, Ryan walked in to the house. We ran to each other and hugged like a scene from a movie. "WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!" Ryan hugged me even tighter and lifted me off the ground. "OWW! You're squeezing and hurting my boobs!" "Sorry. I'm just SO happy!" Just then, the phone rang. I felt a happy little flip in my heart as I frantically searched for paper and a pen. I looked at Ryan as he picked up the phone and our lives changed forever.
She was born in December, 1972. She is 5'9" tall; 145 lbs. She has blue/green eyes with blond-ish/brown-ish/red-ish hair (dyed so much that she forgot her natural color). She has pale skin, fine hair, 100% caucasian, and she completed the 12th grade. Her favorite subjects in school were science and math (Ryan's too!) and she enjoyed sports in school. She has been a live-in nanny for 10 years but dreams of attending culinary school some day. She describes herself as an easy-going person who likes to laugh. She likes cooking, movies and sports. She does not drink, smoke or do any drugs. She found our profile on Adoption Spacebook and she is a Christian. She has a 3-year old daughter (with the same birthfather) who is 3' tall with green eyes and brown hair. She is perfectly healthy.
The birthfather was born in 1966. He is 6'1" tall; 180 lbs. He has green eyes, black hair, olive skin and he is 100% caucasian. He describes himself as an outgoing people-person who likes music, art and playing guitar (me too!), and he is completely on-board with the adoption.
I still don't know what it will take to feel real. We don't know the sex of the baby yet, but we will find out in a few weeks. We've had several moments when we've looked at each other like, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" and the answer is always "no". We've waited 5 years for a moment like this. We've come close before (6 weeks of a pregnancy that terminated on its own) but that entire process taught us to be careful - not to get our hopes up too high. We knew it would feel amazing to get that phone call, but we've both replayed it over and over in our minds and it still has not sunk in.
We have 3 months to prepare our hearts and our home for this new little miracle, and it will be here before we know it. I'm not sure anyone is ever totally prepared for such life-changing news, but man...we sure are READY!
WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
a little blue
I know it's been a long time since I legitimately posted anything. And for the three of you who read my blog, I especially apologize. Truth is, nothing is happening. There's a whole lot of nothing to report. We are waiting for a phone call. THE phone call. And the more baby showers I attend and the more "welcome to the world, little one" emails I get, the more this pain starts to grow in the pit of my stomach that makes me wonder if I'll EVER get to be a mommy.
I woke up this morning with a huge chip on my shoulder. A big old "wtf, universe?" attitude that took me straight in to rush-hour traffic and a guy who cut me off in the coffee line. What changed, you might ask? Absolutely nothing. There was talk of a girl in Iowa who was 21 and possibly interested in possibly placing her baby for adoption, but it turns out she already picked a family and it wasn't even like we had any sort of (out loud) hope that she might somehow pick us, but still. I was sad. Yesterday I wasn't sad. Today I am sad. Yesterday, I was hopeful. Today, I am depressed. Yesterday, I said things like, "we have no doubt that there's a baby out there for us" and "all we have to do is wait" but today, I am so sick of waiting and being patient and watching everyone around me celebrate while I tile my kitchen and pretend there's not an empty crib upstairs.
It's been a long time since I hopped on the "poor me" train and I know how annoying it is. Even I'm sick of listening to me. I just thought that pursuing adoption would land me permanently in a happy place where I could look back and feel sorry for that girl who felt so sorry for herself. I hated that girl. I thought my days of bitterness and frustration were over. I even remember the wave of calm that washed over me 4 months ago - the day we signed our contract with the adoption agency - like, "it's in their hands now. I can just relax and enjoy what's coming" but nothing has happened. For 4 months. Nothing. Not even a little hint of a something. not. one. thing. And now the bitterness is creeping back. I'm having those urges again to shout at every woman who has ever given birth and say, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE? Do you have any idea how precious your babies are? Please promise me that you will hug your babies every night and tell them how wanted and loved and special they are" because I seriously can't handle it right now.
I know it will happen.
I know there is a baby out there for us.
I know I have to be patient.
I know it will be special when it DOES happen.
I know all of this.
But today I am sad.
I woke up this morning with a huge chip on my shoulder. A big old "wtf, universe?" attitude that took me straight in to rush-hour traffic and a guy who cut me off in the coffee line. What changed, you might ask? Absolutely nothing. There was talk of a girl in Iowa who was 21 and possibly interested in possibly placing her baby for adoption, but it turns out she already picked a family and it wasn't even like we had any sort of (out loud) hope that she might somehow pick us, but still. I was sad. Yesterday I wasn't sad. Today I am sad. Yesterday, I was hopeful. Today, I am depressed. Yesterday, I said things like, "we have no doubt that there's a baby out there for us" and "all we have to do is wait" but today, I am so sick of waiting and being patient and watching everyone around me celebrate while I tile my kitchen and pretend there's not an empty crib upstairs.
It's been a long time since I hopped on the "poor me" train and I know how annoying it is. Even I'm sick of listening to me. I just thought that pursuing adoption would land me permanently in a happy place where I could look back and feel sorry for that girl who felt so sorry for herself. I hated that girl. I thought my days of bitterness and frustration were over. I even remember the wave of calm that washed over me 4 months ago - the day we signed our contract with the adoption agency - like, "it's in their hands now. I can just relax and enjoy what's coming" but nothing has happened. For 4 months. Nothing. Not even a little hint of a something. not. one. thing. And now the bitterness is creeping back. I'm having those urges again to shout at every woman who has ever given birth and say, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE? Do you have any idea how precious your babies are? Please promise me that you will hug your babies every night and tell them how wanted and loved and special they are" because I seriously can't handle it right now.
I know it will happen.
I know there is a baby out there for us.
I know I have to be patient.
I know it will be special when it DOES happen.
I know all of this.
But today I am sad.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
attempting some changes
figured out how to make my pictures bigger in blogger, but they're all blurry. still working on it. also playing with template/layout goodness. if only HTML was an actual (intuitive) language. if you have any advice or tips, please let me know!! :)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
a video
Traffic in India (sorry for the annoying wind noise, but you can get a taste of the honking if you keep your volume up):
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