Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Baking "Tookies"

Doodle-bug was sick. We assumed she was cutting a big molar. She'd been home with my sister for 3 straight days and they both needed a break. I offered to babysit. (this is still July stuff...I'm late. I know. I'm sorry.)

Delaney had a fever and her tongue was covered in little white sores. We didn't know it, but Delaney was suffering from Hand, Foot & Mouth Virus. We didn't know that until the next morning. All I knew was...feeding her cantelope during dinner that night was the single worst thing I possibly could have done. (I swear...I had really good intentions! Whitney said she hadn't been eating so I was just fixing all of Delaney's favorite things.)

Not only did the cantelope sting, but she looked at me with terror and pain and her eyes filled up with genuine, giant tears and she held her arms out for a big hug. Broke. My. Heart. She cried (which made me cry) and then she asked to go home and "sit with daddy". I'd really effed up. I needed a new plan. There was only one thing left to do. We got out the cookie stuff and baked "chokit chip tookies". (I know...but that kid is my favorite thing in the whole world. I would have rolled around in mud if it would make her stop crying.)


"Unka Ryan? Will you wipe my finners, pease?"

In hind-sight, I may not have let her lick the spoon. Hand, Foot and Mouth is (apparently) super contageous. But again. With the crying. She almost got a pony that night:

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

that's what happens when you're crazy

Meg is my dog. She's 11 years old. She's part Australian Shepherd, part Rat Terrier, part Chow. (no parts of her resemble a Chow, but that's what it says on her birth certificate, so we go with it.) Meg is crazy. Always has been. She is wicked smart, too. And for 11 years, she's kept us on our toes.

If she wants to, Meg can escape from ANY yard. We've watched her scale fences, climb furniture, dig holes, scoot under fence posts and (most impressive of all) we realized one night that she understands the concept of leverage - using her body to break off fence-posts to get out. Basically, she is an escape-artist and we can always anticipate certain "antics" from Meg.

Meg and Piper sleep in the basement. Not because I'm wicked and I hate them. It's just cooler down there. And in my old house, they had a doggie door that allowed them access to the backyard, so in the new house I decided not to change their routine (I've heard it has consequences). They have kennels downstairs with cushy beds and water bowls. It's actually kind of awesome. Meg and Piper have a pretty sweet life and a very consistent routine. Nothing has happened in the last month to upset this routine. Nothing.

Last month, Meg suddenly started barking in the middle of the night. I wasn't entirely shocked. She's older. She might have some bladder-control issues. And Meg's done that before. About 7 years ago she went through this phase where she barked in the middle of the night and I would shout "NO!" (because my old house was a shoebox and my floor had a hole in it where I could see directly in to the basement and I could hear every single thing she did down there) and Meg would stop barking. But this wasn't the usual barking like, "Hey! Guys? Hey! What's going on?" She was barking like "OH! MY! GOD! I'M! GONNA! DIE! SOMETHING! IS! WRONG! I'M! FREAKING! OUT!" Of course, Ryan ran downstairs and opened her kennel and she tore up the stairs like she was on fire. By the time Ryan got upstairs, Meg was just sitting in the living room, staring at him. He opened the door to let her outside and she casually walked over to it like, "yeah...I could pee." WTF, dog?

The next night Meg started barking again. And honestly, I didn't even hear it. I just knew Ryan was getting up out of bed every hour or so and coming back all mad. I said, "why don't you try ignoring her. You're giving her attention now and she's going to keep doing it." (I think I know about parenting even though I have zero children) But Ryan could not ignore her. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't drown her out. He said, "It's like when you hear a drippy sink all the way down the hall and you can't sleep until it stops dripping." (which, honestly - made sense)

So the next day, we took her to the vet. I was done with this grumpy husband and this crazy dog. I made the appointment, picked up the dog after work and Ryan met us there.

This is Meg, riding in the back of my car. Normally, she looks out the window and rubs her nose all over the glass and wags her tail, but I looked back there and she was like this. I started talking to her, telling her she was being a good girl and she was going to the vet. Nothing.

Saddest. Dog. Ever.

This was at the vet's office. (P.S. Meg does not like the vet. Probably from all of those rectal exams.)

Meg was there for about an hour. This picture was taken about 2 minutes before we asked her if she was "ready to go?". I wish I'd taken a picture of that moment! She ran toward the door so hard that she slid and smacked right in to it.

So...in the vet's opinion...something scared Meg about being in the basement at night. Not during the day, just at night. Because Meg voluntarily walks downstairs to take naps in her kennel all the time. There was something about the middle of the night. (her example was a cat that had a litter box right next to the dryer. Somebody started the dryer with a pair of tennis shoes in it just as the cat climbed in to the litter box. The cat was then terrified of the litter box.) And it was clear that Meg had not suffered a stroke or damaged her brain in any way. She was not showing any symptoms of "old age", she was just scared of the dark.

So now Meg sleeps with a night light and a "white noise" machine. It seems to be working. She sleeps through the night and so do we. (but if you ask me, I still think Meg just figured out another way to escape.)

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Victor Show

I'm not sure if this is a semi-annual event, but I know it revolves around a guy named Willie Averill. He lives in England. Well, before that he lived in Lawrence and went to KU (Right? He went to KU? I'm asking you, Trish. You're his sister. Hi Trish!)

So Willie comes back a couple of times a year and gathers his most brilliant friends to write and perform a sketch comedy show. It's called Victor Continental. "Victor" is a guy who sits on stage surrounded by hot women and hosts the show - introducing acts and leading us all in drinking games. (did I mention it's a drinking show?)

This year was brilliant. More brilliant than years past (fewer jokes about living in Lawrence and more jokes about actual funny, life things - and sometimes drugs, drinking and World War II.) MANY of Ryan's friends are involved so it makes it even more fun to watch. (But the lack of Trish WAS a tough adjustment.) :)

I can't say I remember EVERYTHING that's happening in each of these photos, but I'll do my best. Also, this happened about a month ago. July 17th, in fact. So I apologize for the very late post.

Here it is...the magic of Victor Continental:

A skit about "what if Judd Apatow wrote the sequel to Star Trek":

(then it got strange and trippy and the guys smoked some pot):

Victor and his girls, drinking:

A skit about a new drug for women that makes them less moody during that time of the month. It got strange and trippy too. (hey...wait a minute...)

A skit about health insurance and where to get some for cheap..."Crazy Eddy's", I think it was:

The band:

The man:

God Bless America:

Spoon Creek, "Gangstas from the JoCo":

A skit about "Mime School" - and the one student who thought it was "Mine School":

Mime General, Loren:

"Mimes don't talk!"

The puppet show:

Mr. Doper:

A skit about LARPing (Live Action Role Play) and the people who do it:

Something to do with "Predator"...I wasn't very clear on this one (we just liked the outfit Margaret made):

If court was more like a game of "Hangman":

"The Product Placement" skit...several tiny moments smashed together to thank the sponsors of the show:

This had a title ("Mutiny on the U.S.S. Something?") but I can't remember...It was about a bunch of cereal box characters on Cap'n Crunch's ship. It had a plot, but I was mostly entertained by Loren in his Tony the Tiger outfit. And every time a new character came on stage, everybody was laughing so hard that we forgot to listen.

This is Lucky, Apple Jack and Tony the Tiger:

Count Chocula and the Cheerios Honey Bee:

Snap, Crackle and Pop:

Special K (equally brilliant and offensive) and Cap'n Crunch:

Lucky, Count Chocula, Cheerios Honey Bee, Tucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and Apple Jack:

The Victor girls:


The Raffle:

"Slideshow". My favorite!! A story (narrated off stage) where the lights go out for a brief second (like changing slides) and then the characters are all instantly posed when the lights come back on. It's very fast and amazing to watch. And it's sort of late in the show so I don't know how they do it. I'd totally forget what I was doing or run on stage or lose my balance or be in the wrong slide at the wrong time. Anyway. This one was about "things to do in Lawrence on a Saturday night" and the three girls (Jacqueline, Kitty and Hilary) who take us through their evening.

This is Jaqueline, who works at Arizona Trading Company:

Jacqueline (and her new outfit from Arizona Trading Company), Kitty (who is trying to shave and make a phonecall? at the same time) and Hilary (who just did a line of coke):

The back porch of the Replay:

Melia, who narrated the entire thing..."beep!"

I think this is when Hilary went to "Brothers" and got roffied:

...And possibly gang-raped:

This is Fred Phelps and Hitler. You know. Because it's Lawrence:

These are the street urchins on Mass:

Kitty, trying to light the Eldridge on fire (again):

Victor and "his brother" (Willie)

Our buddy, Matt Gaus - who is playing some sleazy attorney-at-law (man...I really suck at re-capping stuff. I apologize. I can't remember his name in the skit either. I just loved that he was shirtless.)


Every Attorney needs back-up dancers...PETER JUSTICE! That's it..."He's Peter Justice":

The skits that didn't quite make the cut:

Something about a "bell choir"????


So it's clear my memory of the details was directly proportionate to the amount of beer I consumed. If anyone is reading who was there (or in it) and you'd like to correct any of my mistakes, please feel free. I'd be most grateful. It really was a great show.