Thursday, December 6, 2007

There's no easy way to do this

Ryan and I are very sad to report that we lost the baby. Yesterday (after attending a baby shower - of all things) I walked back to my desk and began to feel a lot of cramping. I called the doctor (and Ryan) and they brought me in for an immediate ultrasound. The nurse was really sweet - she's actually a family friend. But she cautioned us that I was only five weeks along and there wouldn't be much to see at this point. But we sat there in the dark (hoping to see something on the screen) and the room got really quiet. She gave a very long sigh and her voice changed.

"I'm just not seeing what I need to see..." and "I'm so sorry" are sort of still ringing in my ears. We couldn't find the yolk sac and determined that my body was already removing what was left of the baby. They drew some blood (a whole other horrible experience...basically, I could never be a heroine addict) to see what my hcG levels were. When they get back down to zero, we can start trying again.

We are sad and we are doing our best to deal, but we are not discouraged. We realize that this is pretty common and we are not the only people who have ever been through it. We have so much support around us (and can I just take this time to say Thank you SO much for all of the "Congratulations" and "We are so happy for you" that everybody sent on Tuesday. Just MINUTES after I posted the blog, we were flooded with love and support - so thank you for that). But as strong as I pretend to be, I know I'm going to need a couple of days off to be sad and let this thing happen to my body. It's not that we don't want to hear from you - it's just hard to talk about right now.

SO thanks again and hopefully (always good to be hopeful) we will be back up soon with some good news.

Lots of Love,
Ryan and Ashley

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