Ryan and I went in for another I.U.I on January 13th. We waited anxiously for two weeks to find out whether it worked. We found out yesterday morning that it did not.
Yesterday was hard for me. One of the more difficult since the miscarriage. I left half-way through the day so I could go home and wrap myself in a blanket. There are seven women on my team at work. Currently THREE of them are pregnant. There are frequent stories about morning sickness and expanding bellies. I try really hard to be a good listener and a good friend. But some days I just can't do it. Yesterday was one of those days.
I can't seem to escape the reminder that it's happening for everybody else. And don't even get me started on Hollywood...rumors of twins for Brad and Angelina, the birth of baby Harlow to malnourished Nicole Richie, the long awaited (thought to be impossible) pregnancy for Nicole Kidman, even Britney's 16 year old sister (who is apparently giving up her baby "Juno" style so her mom can raise it). EVERYBODY is stinkin' pregnant!
So we will keep trying. We're not giving up yet. We will go in for another I.U.I. on February 8th. We will find out if that one worked on February 24th. (that also happens to be the week of our Caribbean cruise so we will be surrounded by friends and family either way.)
And I know it will happen. I'm not losing my faith that it will happen for us. I'm just having some trouble being a grown-up right now and not feeling sorry for myself. Envy is a sin for a reason. It's a gross feeling to look at somebody else and want what they have. (Even if it involves stretch marks and throwing up all the time.)