Monday, September 20, 2010

a special place in hell's actually happening. Kelly wants more money. She knows this is day 10 and she is using Luke as leverage. Mary called us to say she'd received no less than 100 texts this weekend from Kelly, threatening to revoke consent if she doesn't get some help. She told Mary, "If I can't have Sophie, then I might as well have [Luke]." Unbelievable.

Actually...I CAN believe it. At this point, I think it's what we all secretly expected, we just didn't want to believe she would really go through with it. We didn't want to believe there were people like this in the world. Our sweet, innocent boy could be ripped away from us out of spite. Kelly doesn't want him. She just wants money. And if she can't be happy, then she doesn't want us to be happy. She knows exactly what she's doing. She's not dumb. She's figured out how to survive on this earth for 37 years without a job, a home, a car, a family or a dime to feed herself, so we're not dealing with an amateur. We're just not willing to call her bluff when it comes to our son.

It's not like she's going to get custody of Luke - that's not the problem. Sophie has already been taken away and she's taking medication for depression (and going to therapy). No court in their right mind would grant her custody of a pre-mature newborn. But what they can say is that it was unethical of us not to financially support Kelly's efforts to go to therapy and get her life back together. Of course we want her to get treatment and we want her life to improve (especially if she's just going to keep getting pregnant and putting other couples through what we've been through). What is hard to stomach is the fact that (according to Kelly), we didn't show her enough compassion. We didn't treat her with enough respect. In short, we didn't send her a big bag of money after Luke was born and say, "thanks for the kid. Here's everything you'll need for the next 5 years. It's been a pleasure working with you." Incredibly illegal, but what does she care? She's an extortionist.

We have until midnight tonight for this nightmare to end. Kelly can send a letter in the mail to Ronnie, post-marked today, and that would be it. Luke would go to foster care and we'd have to fly back to Georgia and fight for him. Ronnie was going to work from home today but decided to be in the office all day in case it came back that she was "unavailable to her client". While I totally support birthmother rights and I don't want to seem callous, it is completely insane to me that we are all bending to the whims of a crazy person. She has all of the power and she knows it. And I'm sorry, but I just don't know if I have enough forgiveness in my heart for her. I can take pity on her and I can pray for her, but it's going to take a long time to forgive her for using innocent children as bargaining chips.

Besides, there's a NICE way to ask for money and then there's a shitty way to do it. She picked the only way that could make everyone simultaneously outraged. When it's all said and done, I don't know how Kelly can feel good about the way she handled herself. We're going to pretend we did the right thing because we have a conscience. We can't say the same for her.


Anonymous said...

Hi there,

Ive been following your story for some time (Congrats on the baby! :-))

Im a birth mother too and have been absolutely amazed at the amount of leverage your BM has demanded from you..Isnt this illegal?? I mean, when I gave my child for adoption, I expected absolutely nothing from my parents except unconditional love and support for my child for the rest of her life! In fact,In my country, its totally illegal to except money/gift card etc of any kind (and mine was an open adoption too)from the adoptive parents, nevermind rent/food or cash support for 6 weeks after the birth. Its totally ludicrous.

Ive been appalled about how your BM has treated you and systematically ruining what is supposed to be such a special time for you!

Surely there must be something you can do that will stop this harassment? What if it continues after your waiting period is over?

Im so sorry you are going through this!

aWesthoff said...

I am so glad you responded and I am so grateful to have your perspective (and support). As for the money, we knew ahead of time that we were required to provide financial support for the birthmom (it was one of the reasons we liked this agency, that they provide so much birthmother support) but in hind-sight, we should have signed an agreement with a total amount instead of bending to her crazy demands every time (out of fear that she would revoke). It was a lesson learned, but nothing illegal. (I don't think...)