Monday, August 16, 2010

the latest

Last we heard, Kelly was calling around for a new place to live. She is essentially homeless and relying on Amanda for everything, which is not good - considering Amanda has some ulterior motives and is being less than helpful. Our agent wants Kelly to go somewhere that doesn't involve Tony or Amanda (she suspects their relationship is sick and twisted) and they are going to attempt to use code (even around Sophie) so Tony doesn't find out where she's going. Kelly admitted (to Mary) that she is scared of Tony and she no longer trusts Amanda, but it's impossible to talk on the phone without one of them listening. Even Sophie repeats everything back to Tony (because she's a kid and she doesn't understand lying), and they don't want Tony to magically show up again and ruin her chance of a better life. Tony is somewhat abusive and controlling and Kelly has been trying to leave him for years. Our agent said, "Is this the kind of example you want to set for Sophie? That it's okay to let men treat you this way?" and Kelly started to cry (so clearly there are bigger issues). Our agent also told her she's in danger of having Sophie taken away if she can't provide for her or protect her.  Not sure it was necessary to scare Kelly in to moving out, but she needs to get away from those people and off of Amanda's couch.

Kelly had her chance to make a clean break by moving to Topeka. Amanda and Tony didn't have her number. They didn't know how to contact her. But when the place was so bad and she was miserable, Kelly called Amanda for moral support and it went downhill from there. Amanda got Tony involved and she let them right back in to her life. We still don't think it was Kelly's idea to ride back to Georgia with them - Tony just has a lot of influence over her and she's scared to say "no". Our agent said, "She wakes up every day and regrets coming home. She wishes she'd stayed, but she just didn't know how to accept your kindness. She said she'd never met anyone so generous - complete strangers who would drive up in the middle of the night to rescue her out of that place in Topeka - she didn't trust it. But she knows she made a huge mistake by leaving and she wants to prove you can trust her."  We asked where she was going and if we could help her get there (if she needed money). Mary said, "She doesn't want to take any money from you guys. She feels like you've done too much already. She wants to get there on her own and prove to you guys that she is GOING to place this baby with you. She wants this baby to have YOUR life. She doesn't want this baby to have HER life. She's embarrassed about everything that's happened and she doesn't want you to tell the baby anything about Tony. Just say 'you never met him'."  Poor girl.

There are three places where Kelly could go - and since she's going to use code, I suppose I should use code as well (though I realize Tony and Amanda don't have computers and they'd never know about this blog - and even if they did, I doubt they would track Kelly down through me, but still...I'm going to try my best to protect her.) Kelly has friends in California, Alabama and Indiana, so Mary said, "Her job today is to call everyone she knows and find out if she can crash with them until this baby is born." Kelly asked if maybe we could help her get an apartment somewhere after the baby is born - pay a month of her rent or something. Mary wants her to prove that she can stay away from Tony and Amanda first and follow through with her plans before we promise any support. Sounds good to us!

We felt much better after talking to Mary. Kelly doesn't want to take any money from us and she still really wants to place this baby with us. THAT'S HUGE! We offered to send money so she could add more minutes to her phone, but that's the only thing she accepted. Of course, none of this is a done deal - that's the risk we take with adoption, but we're feeling pretty good right now. We're not risking anything by sticking with her until the end. We're basically doing (what is called) a "baby born" situation where the birthmother hasn't had any financial support or prenatal care (and in some cases, the pregnancy is such a shock that she hasn't made any adoption arrangements) so she calls the adoption agency when she's going in to labor and the agency calls a waiting family (that's us) to come adopt the baby. Most of the time, you haven't been matched ahead of time and they know very little about the birthmother or birthfather, but in this case we've already been matched and we know WAY TOO MUCH about the birthmother and birthfather. And instead of the agency calling us, we figure Kelly will probably call us - or have her c-section scheduled.

It depends on where Kelly ends up, but the adoption laws in each of those states are slightly different. In Kansas, the law states that Kelly can sign relinquishment papers 12 hours after the baby is born (no sooner). In Georgia, the law states that Kelly can sign relinquishment papers immediately after the baby is born, but she has a 10-day window when she can revoke her consent (that's the "scary time" when we just pray she hasn't changed her mind).  In other states, the relinquishment window is anywhere from 48-72 hours, but the decision is irrevocable. What this means is, Kansas is basically awesome and we have the very best adoption laws with the shortest "freak-out" window. (yeah, Kansas!) But Kelly won't deliver in Kansas. She has no intentions of coming back here. We are expecting a phonecall sometime this week to let us know where she ended up and where she plans to deliver. We're hoping she can land somewhere soon and schedule that c-section!! (and even bigger bonus if she can stay with someone who will help her get to the doctor when it's time!)

We realize we probably won't find out the sex of the baby until he or she is born and I think we're okay with that. Just one more element of excitement to add to our little story!!


Lindsay said...

Thanks for the update. I was going to call you tonight if this blog hadn't been updated to see whats going on. It sounds like things are moving forward in the best possible way for this scenario. I'm glad to hear that she still really wants to place her baby with you guys. That's the key!

Michele Dawbarn said...

Hey Ashley! I'm still praying for you! Sounds like her heart is in the right place. 7 weeks! Wow! Can't wait!!!