Wednesday, August 4, 2010

the saga continues

We got a call from Mary today and she's been getting text messages from Kelly as well.  Basically, Kelly still really wants to place this baby with us.  Through all of her craziness, complaining and changing her mind, she has been consistent about one thing - she wants this baby to go home with us. We are "it" for her (which is good to know). 

And it turns out, the delay in hearing anything back from Mary (though annoying and frustrating) has worked in our favor. Technically, we have been "responsibility-free" for almost 4 days and have paid nothing this month to support whatever habits Kelly may or may not have (Mary does not suspect a drug habit and neither does Ryan, but we requested a blood test anyway).  We will get the results of that before we decide to continue.  We also got the deposit back from the room she trashed at the extended stay, so that was a good thing. (We found out they tried to sneak Amanda's 12 year old Australian Shephard in to the hotel on Sunday - in addition to smoking in the room and ashing in the nightstand. Did I mention it was right next to the Bible? I mean, they only missed by a couple of inches.) Kelly was there for less than 48 hours and the hotel manager knew exactly who she was.

The unexpected (financial) bonuses of Kelly leaving when she did: 1. we hadn't signed a 3 month lease yet  2. we hadn't gone to the trouble of furnishing an entire apartment for her  3. we hadn't retained a lawyer yet  4. we hadn't bought any new (perishable) groceries for her in a while  5. we didn't shell out $1500 up-front (out-of-pocket) for 3 months of doctor visits and pre-natal care that she would never use  6. we didn't have to pay for her flight back to Georgia (or Sophie's).  Not that we think she's better off (mentally) where she is, but she did save us a boat-load if she was just going to pick up and leave anyway. (we think she craves the drama - and I think that was a nice way to put it.)

Of course, now we're making a pro/con list for sticking with this adoption plan vs. starting over, but all of that hangs on the fact that Kelly has to pass a drug test and she has to show us an updated sonogram. In fact, while we were talking to Mary, she got a text from Kelly that she was at the hospital. (which could mean she was just AT the, in the gift shop or something, or she could have been there for Sophie or she was there for some emergency back surgery for Tony, or she could have been there because something is wrong with the baby, but whatever...we aren't even guessing anymore.  Mary was going to investigate and get back to us.)

Mary also promised that she would investigate the living situation and we could evaluate what we're able to contribute (financially) to her living expenses each month. We are legally obligated to provide $$ for her rent, food, phone, utilities, etc. until the baby is born, so we can't just say "we won't pay". It's not an option for any match - it just depends on who you get, how they live and what their expenses are. If we start over, we could get matched with a 16 year old girl who is 2 days away from delivering, she lives at home with her parents, and she is covered under her parents' insurance or we could get matched with another 37 year old woman who is still 10 weeks away from delivering, she lives in an apartment with her jobless boyfriend, and she still hasn't applied for Medicaid.  That's the risk we take.

We expect to hear back from Mary by the end of the day, but we aren't in any hurry now.  We think we might drag our feet a little bit and see if we can get away with not paying for Kelly's coffee and Coke diet for most of August. Besides, we might need that money if this baby needs tons of surgery (you know...for the brittle bone disease).


Raegann said...

wow, ok thanks so much for thinking of all of us and updating as much as you do. sounds like you guys are being as level headed as possible and proceeding with caution. that's all you can do. good luck and i'm still praying everything works out for the best. i'd also be happy to chip in a little for her diet coke's a hard one to kick.

Mair said...

ah - didn't see this post when i commented on the last one. to be honest? i have a few mental health concerns about that mom.

i like that you are taking it slow and cautiously! i truly hope it all works out for you. after all of this, you guys deserve a smooth and easy time of it!

Sheelagh said...

I'm glad you aren't just ruling everything out... instead taking a step back and thinking things over is definitely the best option. I know it's hard to imagine, but I've seen some cute, healthy babies come from some completely freakish people... and I wonder how it was even possible!

Like you, in this whole thing, I also worry a little bit about Sophie...poor kid doesn't deserve this.

But mostly know our thoughts are with you guys... you will make the best decision for you two.

kerrie said...

you guys are eff'in amazing. seriously.

and (while traveling on the road and reading all of this on my tiny blackberry screen) gut reaction to keep this baby plan or start over is this:

It's about the baby. It's not about the mom. Nor the mom's friends. Nor the mom's shatty lifestyle. It's about the baby.

That baby needs someone to love it, take care of it, and nurse it back to good health (babies are unbelievably resilient creatures). And that baby needs PARENTS (two people, that is) to make that happen. And that's you guys. You've ALREADY proven that you have what it takes mentally. You have what it takes financially. You have a good, solid marriage and support network of friends and family.

But most of all, you have the LOVE IN YOU to raise this baby and and provide the CARE for it like he/she deserves.

So there. That's my opinion, man, and I'm sticking with it. You've earned it, guys, so keep your eye on the prize.

(And I'm totally addicted to your blog...thanks for adding ANOTHER addiction to my life...just keeping with the theme here, folks!)

Oh - and I've already predicted it for you, it's a boy. And you name him Trooper. Because that's what he is and that's what you two are!
-greenie gal