Wednesday, August 4, 2010

what to say?

Just got a text from Kelly this morning:

"I just need to know if yall are still interested in this process."

(...and yes, she types "y'all".)

Still haven't heard back from Mary. Don't even know if she's still working with Kelly after the email I sent her (and photographic evidence of the beer and cigarettes in the room). I have NO IDEA what to do.

I want to be a mommy.

I want that baby to go to a good home.

I don't know if I want to work with these people.

But maybe now that they're in Georgia, we can have some peace until the baby is born???

I have no idea.

Advice??  Please??


Anonymous said...

Stay away.......
There is no telling what she has exposed that baby to.
She sounds like a junkie. Not only would I want the baby checked out by a doctor, I would also want blood tests of hers. Alcohol, nicotine, see what's going on in there. Like you said, you wonder what other lies she's told you, and the agency. A birth father who said he could make this process a lot more difficult...get out. NOW.

Anonymous said...

OH gosh. Part of me thinks that baby needs you - even if she has been smoking and drinking and god only knows what else.

I promise, if you got that baby, even if there were problems, you would love the bits and bits out of him/her.

But, I also think your mental health and well-being are at stake, and it's possible they could really rake you over the coals.

Set strict guidelines. Require weekly (monitored) drug tests. Then take that baby home with you. Also, I still think it better she be in Kansas for this process. Away from those freaky people.

Anonymous said...

What does the adoption Agency in cali say?
I can't believe she'd even be a candidate for being a birth mom with such little if any medical tests being done to her. She's 3 month from giving birth, doesn't know the sex, and has no problem blowing town on you already....This has been a few weeks glimpse of her life that you personally witnessed. You were given instincts for a reason. You instincts were, we're done...I think that was one of the smartest things you guys did. Agreed to be done. Compassion, humanity and generosity are all great things, but these people sound like professional takers. They now have your phone numbers, and probably know where you work, etc...A relationship with the baby is all you were signed up for.
Coming from a family with a long line of substance abuse, and unfortunately children born with Cleft Palates, Fetal Alcohol syndrom, and Spina bifida, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of adopting this baby without a physical and blood test of the Mom, and an OK to a healthy Bah,bee.....Not that you wouldn't, I'm just saying. All signs point to move on in my slanted judgmental opinion.
I wrote the first one, and this comment

Mair said...

oh, my heart goes out to you!

but trust yourself on this. you saw what that room looked like; what was in it after 48 hours. you smelled smoke before the others came. she hid from you long before that. him or not, the first attorney clearly had concerns about that birth mother.

i truly liked your response to it initially - that you would only consider adopting the child after it was born and had been medically evaluated. if you entangle yourselves further with that birth mom, you are only setting yourselves up for heartache and further hassles. you'll be stressed for the next 3+ months, not to mention when they try to fight the finalized adoption.

read back over your own posts as if you were reading a friends' saga. listen to your husband; together, i know you will make the right choice for you - and "your" baby will still be there, whether it is this one or not.

best of luck!

Chloe's Mama said...

I don't know what to tell you, but my first instinct is:
If you hadn't met the parents, you would have adopted the baby no problem. And you seem to have fallen for Sophie who seems normal, so you would fall for the little baby even more. And maybe that little baby needs you to save him/her from all that mess and that's what you guys are supposed to do. Every family has screwed up genes in some way (as does mine), some more than others, but a lot of who they become depends on how they are raised and this baby deserves a chance. If not from you, then from somebody.
On the other hand, I would DEFINITELY get a blood test, and I would have no more contact, leave her in Georgia, and if you or Ryan feel weird about it or feel like Kelley is up to something I would trust your instinct and not do it.
Hmmm. I feel for you guys, that's a hard decision to have to make.

Sheelagh said...

I don't know a good answer... I know you guys really want to be parents. Since your instincts have you guys all over the place... I would say, a blood test to determine any type of serious drug..

No smoking is not ideal but working where I do, I see many, many sweet happy healthy babies born to mom's who consider their lungs a smoke stack. So while it isn't how you would EVER treat a baby, it isn't necessarily a deal breaker.

I guess just investigate further, and I hope this turns out better than you could ever hope.